Taking it home

So, let me start this by asking a question that I have been searching for the answer for a long time - how do we take our skills that we can use so well with clients to our home? I would be lying to say that I thought I was even close to how to solve this problem as I seem to let it control me all the time. I never have a problem putting my coaching hat on and providing feedback and advice to people that I have a friendship and connection with but as soon as it comes to my family and people that I want to protect forever I turn into a raving lunatic trying to make them see my opinion or hear my suggestions - problem is I only ever end up getting angrier at myself in the situation so I cannot return to a civilised coach. (You can imagine an octopus in a bucket here!)

It would be great if I could learn how to give myself the opportunity to take that breath first or think about what I am saying but the emotion takes control of my brain and that is the end of it - even if the other person has no interest in what I am saying I am unable to stop. Hindsight is a wonderful thing but why does it always have to come to me when it is too late? The problem then is I start to build the what if scenario in my mind. What if I said too much, what if now they take the complete opposite to my advice and it effects them and then I start to blame myself for causing this now world ending scenario that I have built in my head and that I may as well give up now because unless I can coach at home then why be a hypocrite and help others through it! If I want to make it worse I can build the scenario now that the world is against me and that I should just try not to care and then maybe there would never be a problem and then I would not hurt myself because this is all that I ever end up doing.

The reality is that I do care but sometimes too much. I know my intentions are right - I never want anyone to have to face some of the things that I have had to in my life but is trying to protect them forever and make them not map out their own life going to help? I know the answer is no because how do you grow if you never get to venture out and find your own comfort zone or learn what is a right or wrong decision or even just one that should be thought about with a little more information. No one can supply a right or wrong answer for someones life decisions nor does anyone have the right to turn to you and say that you have made the wrong decisions and you will suffer from that because the reality is that there is never any suffering unless you force yourself to feel that way - but there is definitely always the ability to learn for next time. ( I accept that there are exceptions to this!)

Without kidding myself I have to admit that I will never be able to stop caring and wanting to protect my family and friends as I believe they deserve to be protected but sometimes I need to hide this part of me and remove the emotion from my advice. Everyone knows that if they need something that I will always be there regardless of when and where but I also need to be prepared to let them learn for themselves and when I provide that advice ask if I can first, ask if they are happy to hear it and never just make them want to hear it. Guide them rather direct them but most of all never just suspect they want to hear it.

I think I feel better now.